


Broken

by ephemerality



Category: No. 6 - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, M/M, apologies in advance, post reunion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 15:44:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5671402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephemerality/pseuds/ephemerality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I don't deserve you."  <br/>"No," Shion agrees. "You deserve better. But you settled for me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> I love these two so much their happiness is necessary to my survival so why did I write this I have no idea I am sorry

"Shion, sing me a song," Nezumi says, and his voice, normally loud and clear, is nearly swept away by the rain outside.  

"Okay."  

"But I -- wait seriously?" Nezumi glances up at him.  

He thought I would say no. "What would you like me to sing?"  

Nezumi shrugs.  

Shion purses his lips, noting how Nezumi's eyes are drawn to the movement. He should probably finish reading the security reports from No. 6, but something about Nezumi's silence is unnerving. He sets them down on the bedside table.  

Nezumi is lying on the bed, stretched out, using Shion's leg as a pillow. His hair is down, as it often is these days, and it contrasts with the paleness of his skin. A lot of things had changed in the year Nezumi had been gone. Before, Shion had been the pale one, the one, who asked seemingly random questions, who laid there staring off into space while Nezumi sat and read and ran long fingers through soft hair. Now, their roles were completely reversed. Now, Nezumi looks vulnerable.  

No. Not vulnerable. Afraid.  

A year ago, he would've asked, he would've pushed and pushed until Nezumi snapped and stormed off. Part of him is tempted to do that now, just out of habit, but he resists it. That had never accomplished anything. And something tells him this is not the time to push.  

So instead, he blows out the lamp on the bedside table, coating their little room in darkness. He remembers a song he heard on the radio not too long ago that he liked. Then he runs his fingers through Nezumi's hair and begins to sing.  

I like the way your eyes look into mine

I like the way it feels when you smile  

I like the way you watch me when I walk away  

Say you'll stay.  

Shion isn't very good at singing, but for Nezumi he tries. He brushes his thumb across Nezumi's lips. Nezumi inhales and Shion decides to leave his thumb there.  

I like to feel your breath on my face  

I like to swim around in your good grace  

I like how your lips, taste  

Say you'll stay.  

Nezumi closes his eyes, and Shion can feel the tiniest of bitter smiles against his thumb.  

Say, you will stay  

Say, you will stay.  

Nezumi's bottom lip trembles.  

I like how I don't expect anything from you  

You surprise me daily through and through  

I like how you listen to what I say  

Say you'll stay, say you'll stay.  

"Shion?" Nezumi's voice vibrates against his thumb. Shion stops singing. Nezumi's lip is still trembling and his eyes are still closed. "Why this song?"  

Shion blinks. "I heard it on the radio the other day and I thought it was pretty, why?"  

"You heard it once and remembered all the lyrics?"  

"It's a short song. Does it upset you?"  

Nezumi shakes his head. He's lying. Shion doesn't know how he knows but he does. Something about this song upsets Nezumi.  

Nezumi sits up, maneuvering gracefully as only Nezumi can do, and settles himself in Shion's lap, laying his head on Shion's chest, curling his fingers into Shion's shirt. He's not trying to be seductive, Shion realizes. He's cuddling.  

Nezumi is cuddling with me.

Something's wrong. Why won't he tell me?  

Not that he minds cuddling, he likes it quite a bit actually. But typically it's more of him cuddling Nezumi than Nezumi cuddling him. They'll curl up together and Nezumi will pretend to be annoyed, but the affection in his eyes will erase the sting of his words. And yes, since he'd been back, Nezumi had been much more affectionate. But not to this degree.  

Shion wraps his arms around Nezumi, rubbing circles that are hopefully soothing on his back, holding him close, and Nezumi hums, pleased. He's much thinner than he used to be, but no less muscular. He could still take on the world and win, although when Shion told him this, Nezumi had laughed and said he was biased. He remembers a time when Nezumi had been all hard planes and sharp angles, in both body and personality. Although his tongue is still just as sharp, his face still a mask to all, his body had changed quite a bit. Shion sometimes finds himself missing the old Nezumi, though never for long, because he loves this one just as much or more. This Nezumi, who is soft and affectionate and tucks cold hands in the space between Shion's chin and shoulder and laughs gently when Shion jerks in surprise, whose eyes soften when Shion takes them between his own hands and tries to warm them up, whose smiles are brighter and laughs are happier and touches are more frequent, who will listen to him ramble for hours and likes to hold his hand when they walk down the street, who will reach out and pull him close and kiss him breathless no matter where they are or who's watching, just because he can. Yes, he loves this Nezumi quite a bit.  

"Shion." Nezumi's voice is urgent now, uncertain, and Shion hums in response. "Are you mad at me for leaving?"  

Shion contemplates this. "No."  

"Upset, then?"  

"No."  

"Why?"  

"I love you," Shion says matter-of-factly. "And I knew you had to go. You said reunion would come, and I had faith in you."  

Nezumi snuggles closer to him. It's weird to be using words like cuddle and snuggle for Nezumi, but at the same time he likes the warmth those words give him. He feels Nezumi's tears, Nezumi's fists clenched in his shirt. "Why don't you hate me?" he whispers. "You should hate me. The rest of the world does. So why don't you?"  

Shion shrugs. "I don't know."  

For a second, Nezumi is very still. Then he starts to pull away, but Shion doesn't let him.  

"I wanted to hate you," he says. He rests his chin on top of Nezumi's head and stares at the far side of their room. In the dark he can vaguely make out the shapes of Tsukiyo, Hamlet and Cravat. "I missed you so much, and I wished you hadn't left me. But every time I thought about you - which was all the time - I could never find any hate. Just longing, and love."  

"I don't understand."  

"Me neither." Shion sighs. "My love for you goes beyond reason. All I know about it is that it exists, that it's never going to disappear, and I don't want it to."  

Nezumi is silent.  

Eventually he says, "Finish the song."  

"It's fairly repetitive."  

"I don't mind."  

Shion presses his lips to Nezumi's hair and sings.  

I like to feel your breath on my face  

I like to swim around in your good grace  

I like how your lips, taste  

Say, you will stay, say, you will stay.  

Nezumi leans up and kisses him, his hands coming up to cradle Shion's face, moving to straddle him, and Shion can taste his tears. Now he's trying to be seductive, and he's succeeding. Shion knows what Nezumi wants, but it isn't what he needs. Nezumi isn't thinking straight. So he pulls back, slowly. Nezumi tries to follow him, but Shion moves to kiss his forehead instead, trying to put all his words into a simple kiss.  

It's okay.  

I'm here.  

I love you.  

Always.  

And Nezumi breaks.  

He's cried in front of Shion's before, once. He was a sight, sitting astride Shion, grey eyes glassy like pearls. He looked like he had lost something irreplaceable, he was looking at Shion like he was a fallen angel, crying like he himself had pushed Shion out of heaven. And maybe he had, but Shion didn't mind.  

He had fought it then, not wanting to cry, not understanding why he was. Shion hadn't understood either, but he knew those tears for him, and he loved Nezumi for it.  

Nezumi fights his tears just as hard as he had then, if not more. His hands scrub at his face, pushing away the emotion, pulling away from Shion. At times like this he's so easy to read, somewhere between horrified and furious at himself, as if he can't believe his body has betrayed him like this. He's sobbing uncontrollably, rapidly approaching hysteria, I'm sorrys and all my faults and what have I dones spilling out at an alarming rate. He's begging for forgiveness, for everything from crying to kissing him to leaving to coming back, and it hurts Shion in a way he didn't know was possible.  

He reaches out and catches hold of Nezumi's wrist. Nezumi tries to pull back, but Shion tugs him forward and they fall together on the bed in a tangled heap. Nezumi starts to roll off of him, apologies on his lips, but Shion flips them over and replaces them with his own. He keeps the kiss slow, gentle, feeling Nezumi relax and regain control of his breathing.  

When he draws back, Nezumi's eyes are closed, lips parted slightly. He braces himself on one arm above Nezumi, brushes tears off Nezumi's face with the other. Gray eyes open slowly.  

"You don't have to tell me what's wrong," Shion murmurs. "But I'm here if you want to."

Another tear trickles down his cheek. "I don't deserve you."  

"No," Shion agrees. "You deserve better. But you settled for me."  

"I don't understand this-" Nezumi waves a hand. "Any of this." He hiccups. "I'm sorry."  

"I'm not mad."  

"But-"  

Shion kisses his tearstained cheek. "I don't expect you to be happy all the time, Nezumi, or even just okay. You have feelings, and I am so, so lucky that you choose to share them with me." He kisses Nezumi's forehead, closing his eyes briefly. "Thank you."  

Nezumi's hands come up to clutch at Shion's shirt. "What's with that?" he whispers, voice breaking. "What's with you always making me feel like this?"  

"Like what?"  

"Like...like this! Like everything will be fine as long as you're here!" His hands tighten in the fabric. "But everything's not fine, Shion. I left you for a year and I hated life without you and you just took me back like it was nothing, and the world is a horrible place, and nothing is fine, so what is this? Is something wrong with me? Does this mean that I-" his voice catches and then lowers. "I'm really broken?"  

Once again, Shion marvels at this boy's ability to break his heart and fix it in a matter of seconds. "No," he says, trying to convince himself as much as Nezumi. "It just means that you love me as much as I love you."

**Author's Note:**

> In case you were wondering, the song is Stay (featuring Merethe Soltvedt) by Two Steps from Hell. I really had a hard time choosing between that one and Calm the Storm by Spoken, so I'm thinking about doing a sequel with that song. Is that something y'all want?


End file.
